Types of people who romanticize small town life:
- People who didn’t grow up in small towns
#THE LOCALS AREN’T QUIRKY#THEY’RE RACIST
#THERE’S NOTHING TO DO
#EVERYONE’S ON DRUGS
#WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE GANGSTERS YOU ARE WHITE AND THERE ARE COWS OUTSIDE
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
there was a time when writers were kind
when their screenplays were good
and their plots inviting
There was a time when trust was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all
Holy shit look at the notes on this… Is it me or is the fandom trying to say something
Yes!!! All of this!!!
When you fuck something up first thing in the morning
A little while (a week or so) after I saw this post for the first time, I fell asleep without blowing out my candle by accident. When I woke up suddenly, my hand flew up and I knocked it onto a paper towel and almost burned down my room. And instead of freaking out after I put it out, I went back to sleep softly crying “Wakey wakey big mistakey” and slept another 6 hours.